So, I’m going to start writing those one sentence stories for the intros to see how far along I can get into a ridiculous story. It’s going to be a few sentences at a go. Feel free to email us and help us along! I’ll get it started:

Walking lightly despite his awkwardly shaped shoes, the clown held his breath as he peered into the child’s window. The little boy was busy attacking his sister’s Barbie Doll with a hard plastic dinosaur.

Factoid of the Week:
Healthy News! When nails are discolored (a color other than peachy-pink), this may be indicative of a diet deficiency or diabetes, allergies, or other diseases. Bluish colored nails generally indicate a lack of oxygen in the blood. This discoloration may be caused by lung disease, such as emphysema, or asthma.

Ugly Prostitute
Shred Yo Money!
MaryJane Farts
Free Board for Walrus

Words of Wisdom:
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Horseshoes & Hand Grenades – Episode 263 – It’s Not About Weiners

Heard Yeezus yesterday. In other news, most of these questions were inspired by the gym last Wednesday.

1. Why do us men get addicted to the silliest things sometimes?
2. Did anyone else realize Intervention had been on for 13 seasons?
3. Is Reshma Shetty of USA’s Royal Pains underrated?
4. Is Duck Dynasty the best “reality” show on TV?
5. Does 2 Guns look like the best movie ever made for men of all-time?
6. Would you rather have a joint T-Pain/Lil’ Wayne album or “Turn Down For What”?
7. Did LeBron really need to shoot that 3 at the end of Game 4 so he could outscore Wade?
8. Why don’t people listen to their voicemail first before calling someone back?
9. Have you ever gotten some friends together, bought drinks, and played New Super Mario Bros. Wii?
10. Should everyone be cheering for the Heat on Thursday now?
11. Is everyone going to start making music like Kanye did on Yeezus?
12. Did anyone else think we wouldn’t get new Jay-Z music until next year?
13. Has anyone else heard about dilation in two random conversations since Saturday?
14. Is there no feeling worse than being bombarded with questions and having no answers?

Watermelon flavored Oreos?

Really? Come on now. I mean, this is not a joke people. This is a limited edition fruit flavored snack by the famous Nabisco company. If any are interested, this summer they’re limited and only sold at Target, for $3 a package. It’s a pink and green cream between two vanilla flavored cookies.

First off, why are they mixing fruit…with cookies?

Sorry folks, when I want fruit, I go get fruit. Trust me, that’s a rarity for me. Anyone that looks at me walking down the street won’t confuse me with a regular fruit eater. As a matter of fact, most would think I need to eat more fruit.

Fruit is good, wholesome, and nutritious.

According to most, I don’t get enough. However, I do know that when I want a cookie, I DO NOT WANT FRUIT. Fruit is sweet, yes this is true. However, fruit makes me feel…weird is all I can say. I eat fruit and I want to do things. I want to go for a walk. I want to leave my comfortable dark cool bedroom and go for a walk. I want to WALK people. I eat an apple, I feel like getting some sunshine! This is not natural. I am pasty, and white, and not meant to be out in the sun for more then a few minutes at a time.

Second, a cookie is the opposite of fruit.

A cookie is something you wolf down in between meals to get that rush. It helps you to get to the next meal. Ever been stuck at work? Ever just feel yourself starving? How many people go to a vending machine and think, “Wow an apple, or a piece of watermelon would go good right now”? That is why cookies come in small packages. You eat them, fast, don’t even know you are eating them. You are NOT supposed to enjoy a cookie. You just want that sugar, that buzz, that rush. It is the same as drinking a soda.

When I think of a cookie, I think of good feelings.

It’s true. The bland sort of sweet package cookies are just a pale comparison of my mom’s fresh homemade cookies. They take me back to that. They make me feel good and relaxed for a minute. If you think I have a problem with food, my nutritionist agrees. I am an admitted fatty and food addict. *Stands up and raises hand* Cookies bring this out of me, as do so many other things such as Chinese food…but that’s another topic.

The big, third reason that these two feelings don’t belong together:

When I eat fruit, I feel like I should do something active. I feel like I should get off my butt and go outside. I feel like I should pick up a hobby, volunteer, maybe do something good for others around me. A cookie, is the opposite. It’s a self-centered feeling. Eating a cookie is about me. It is about relaxing and indulging my own self-interest. How many people eat a cookie and want to go outside? How many people wolf down a package of cookies and then feel like going for a walk? It should be obvious to anyone. These two feelings DO NOT belong together.

The fourth reason…and I wasn’t going to touch on this: racism.

I know sounds like I’m either getting deep or at least going way off base. Just stick with me here. Anyone who has been around for awhile knows that oreo has a sort of negative racial connotation. It has even been used as a racial slur in some instances. If you have never heard, it is used to denigrate black people who are “white” on the inside. Obviously, this hasn’t killed Oreo sales over the years.

However, it makes you wonder…

Who actually sat there in the board meeting? Who had the guts to stand up when they were talking about new ideas and flavors? Was it some timid guy that stood up and asked about “watermelon” cookie? This watermelon cookie would have “vanilla” cookies surrounding the watermelon inside? Was this a white guy, who was looking to increase Oreo sales among the African American population? Could it possibly have been an ongoing joke that a guy just decided to run with?

The most likely reason: I’m just full of it.

The fact is that Nabisco has been making different Oreos for years now. The fact is they have come out with limited editions on several occasions. These have included things like gingerbread, candy corn, and creamsicle flavors. One of there more popular changes was the “chocolate covered” Oreo. If you haven’t tried these, they will make you an honorary fattie. They are beyond delicious. Chocolate covered Oreos that crunch and melt in your mouth at the same time. Sorry…I have to take a minute here.

My main gripe? Quit combining good bad foods with the actual good foods.

I mean, we all know what foods are good and bad. Most of us aren’t stupid. I know, and I’m an admitted fattie, that Oreos are bad for me. On the other side, I know that things like watermelon, is actually good for me and should be eaten more often. Quit trying to mess with my head! How about you stick with bad foods. How about you get in business with another candy company. Maybe the next big thing could be a peanut butter Reese’s Oreo cookie???

Honestly, is this a bad idea?

That’s hard to tell. Food makers have been creating weird combinations for years now. The fact is that most of us will eat anything if the price is right. Don’t shake your head. You know it’s true. How about pizza flavored pretzels? How about ranch flavored Doritos? These things are big sellers and we still eat them. I just thought it was funny that a “cookie” was being combined with a fruit.

Tom and Derrick say farewell to one of their heroes by inducting the great special effects animator Ray Harryhausen. Join the Boys Outta Brooklyn as they discuss their favorite moments from his films, and why there’s something that makes stop-motion animation better than CGI. Plus, the horror of the pentapod and Honey Boo Boo! You don’t want to be terrorized by the giant ostrich thingy, so get to clicking. (And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter at @BITDShow.)

Better In The Dark – Episode 149: The Garage of International Wonders – An Appreciation of Ray Harryhausen

Why do some people get into feet?

Just let me be honest, I don’t judge anyone on what they want to do in their own privacy…

…as long as it is with another consenting adult.

However, feet?

Are feet a turn-on for anyone you know?

No judgment if you are into this.

I’ve worked in shoes and this isn’t a lie.

There would be these guys, that would come around and look at the lady shoes…

Pick it up, rub it, make weird smiles.

Think I’m kidding? Next time you are in a shoe store, and there’s not a lot of people, check out the ladies side.

These guys don’t look like creepy or anything, I’ve seen them in anything from polos and khakis to business suits.

Ask them if you can help them find anything..

“Uh uh, oh…um, do, do you have this in size…6 and a half?”

“Yeah yeah, 6 and a half is what my wife wears.”

Now this may be the case, but keep in mind: Rubbing shoes and grinning.

Look again. No judgment, just don’t be out in public with it that is all I ask.

It’s only fair.

Man, I wish I could have a thing for feet.

You ever see any guy, just sitting on a bench on a sunny day, just looking down?

His eyes catch a pair he likes, he gets a little sweat trickling down his brow.

He starts rubbing his hands, smiling a little. His face just follows a pair of feet.

He is having a fantasy in public!

He has the perfect cover too. I mean if I had that thing for feet and shoes, I’d be staring all day!

Soon as I get that scary question” “What are you looking at sir?”

Smile, look up…

“Just admiring those shoes. My wife wanted a pair, where did you get them?”

Boom! Not creepy public shoe fantasy guy, just curious, loving husband, noticing a woman with taste.

Smiles and pleasant conversation, as she tells me all about her shoes, showing them off.

Yes, I’m sure the public shoe fantasy guys don’t mind this at all.

Guys like me, we can’t do that out in public…

Smiling, looking up at women as they walk past, focusing on the region between the neck and stomach.

See I’m doing the same thing shoe guy is doing, but it’s treated very differently.

I can’t answer that question either if it’s asked.

“What are you looking at sir?”

“Oh, I was just admiring (hand over breast region). My girl wanted a pair.”

“Where did you get them?”

Boom! I’m in the nightly news and have the law looking for me.

Doesn’t work for guys that admire bottoms either.

“Oh, just wondering where you got those pants, my girl was talking about getting a pair.”

Right, get caught checking out a woman as she is walking away and that will work.

Sure, she believes you are just admiring the brand new pants she is wearing.

Guys like us tend to get caught and usually get glares.

Sometimes a slap in the face is warranted as well.

That is why we don’t do it. We glance quickly and keep out eyes moving.

Guys, don’t lie and say you never look.

If you say that and expect anyone to believe it, you’re pretty dumb.

To wrap this up, I don’t judge people with a foot and shoe fetish.

Actually, I think I’m a bit jealous.

Alas, for me there is nothing remotely interesting about feet.

Any of you guys have it, enjoy it.

Just don’t be creepy about it in public.